Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
