cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
