how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
