Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
