Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
