On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
