strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
