If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
