This girl is more easily done than said...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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