I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
