Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
