peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He shit in the fireplace
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
