for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
