Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I pour the whiskey from now on
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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