btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
