How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
