Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
