I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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