Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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