You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
