Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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