Betty ford says i'm here all night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
