what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You should frame my arrest warrant.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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