i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
time to smoke my breakfast
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
