Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
