Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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