no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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