Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
