I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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