so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
