My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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