Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
