Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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