I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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