i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
