I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
false alarm, still single
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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