I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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