I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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