It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
