well I can't set my house on fire every night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
