I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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