I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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