talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
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