And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
