She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
