so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
