You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
