Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
