it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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