True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
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