did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
