Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
