The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
